Letters From a One Winged Angel
by Firehedgehog
Summary: Part of a colab fic with BloodyChaos. Letters from Sephiroth to Reno threatening him for daring to annoy him through email
1. Letter 1

Letters from a One Winged Angel

By Firehedgehog

Disclaimer: I only own this side of the fic!!

This is part of a collab fic with _BloodyChaosDragonKnight_. She writes the othe, then I respond here. Which means to get the entirety of this fic you will have to go check her profile to read the other half (She started the fic so start at hers).

Warnings: At the moment just random cussing, mentions of crossdressing and insanity. There will be some shonen ai eventually because Chaos-chan and I are both Yaoi fangirls.

……

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: Re:Hey Buddy!

To the Annoyance

I have your Death planned out carefully, and as soon as I corner you without Rude you will soon become shaved by my sword… as skinned alive… then pitched into boiling oil and feathered. Then, when you have apologized for the stupid letter you just sent I will kill you.

Zack is alive and well, his latest hobby is training some chocobo headed trainee.

Zack has said, bring it on… the prank war is on!!!

Moron…

I was wondering about the squid, I must remember to eat the fried squid next time I eat near Hojo…

Tell Reeve and Tseng, that I never want to come across them making out near by office again.

I will use my metrea on them.

Also, Reeve still owns me twenty gold; tell him to pay up or else.

Do not email me again.

Sephiroth


	2. Letter 2

Sorry for the long wait, also this would be longer… but Writers block is evil.

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: Paint War

_Dearest Pyro_

_I have Hijacked Sephiroths computer since I have been banned from all the rest._

_In conclusion to your last prank, I'm sure you enjoy the return. Do you like your sea Themed bedroom with Spongebob Square mural's. By now you've realized I have put something on the walls so u cannot paint over or remove any of them._

_By the way, I'm sure you like you new boxers… I'm sure female things will work great for you._

_Zack_

Reno…

Stop this now. I would rather not having to kick Zack out of my office every day.

From the silver-haired annoyed one.


	3. Letter 3

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: The Hazards of Desks

You've just given me nightmares, I have now deleted the breeding program. Now, if only Hojo would stop grouping people now. Mental shrudder.

Also, I needed a Zackless Vacation anyway. So hah,

By the way, if you ever get your boss to email me pictures of you and a Mr. Valentine if I remember right doing it on Hojo's desk again…

I will tell Hojo how you got the keys to his lab in the first place.

I'm sure yours boytoy would love to have a pissed Hojo after him.

The ever annoyed Warrior


	4. Letter 4

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: Spoons and whatnot

What! Those were my spoons!

ZACK! Though shall face death by flaying… how could he give them to the monkeys… I wanted to do that.

Wait ignore that, I never had any spoon... got it.

Rubber ducky... would it happen to have a sailors hat n it with the word Hack written n he bottom?

If it does, I'm sorry to say Hojo has claimed it and since he uses it in his baths I very much doubt he's want to touch it with a ten foot pole.

And if he tries to use my spoons, I will kill him.

Do you know how hard it is to collect spoons with that design? I use that spoon design to torment him.

Wait you dated Cloud!

I will give you a three week vacation with your boss if you set me up n a date with him without anyone ever finding out... and that includes Zack and your boss.

Also, can I borrow Caits remote? I have a perfect prank including mass qualities of oil and feathers planned for Hojo.

A serious humored Angel


	5. Letter 5

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: Air holes

Only 476... he does know there are 700 closets right?

By the way, Cloud has arrived all wrapped up. He red bow was interesting by the way. But why was he in a thong? And by the way, the air holes worked fine.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the pictures of a feathered Hojo from oil... well actually tar and feathers joke I sent along. By the way, how exactly did Rude end up in the office right at that moment. He wasn't part of the joke?

He's gotten blamed and sent up north for the next two weeks... whoops.

By the way, your Vacation starts in three days. I'm sure you and Tseng will enjoy your hotel resort.

Cloud will be MIA for awhile, then I'll feed him a certain potion and he won't remember I had him. Vincint gave the potion to me, said something about using it on Hojo before and getting him dressed in drag for three days.

The great Horny Angel


	6. Letter 6

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: Blowing Up

Reno

Get your ass back to base; I just got word that in your escape attempt you blew up the hotel. How do you blow up a hotel with no bombs anyway?

Also, do you happen do know why Vincint has been walking about in drag?

I have included pictures.

Can you tell me where he got that little red number though; I'd like to try that one on my Cloudy.

Sephiroth with the raised eyebrow


	7. Letter 7

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: Dresses and whatnot

Dear Mr. I have too much free time

I hear you got dragged back to work; then escaped again.

Please tell em your escape route so I can use it, I'll even bring the pictures of Cloud dressed in this real skimpy number.

No… you can't keep it.

Oh by the way, somehow Zack has regained his computer access and in two minutes after you receive this letter your access will vanish as if it never was.

Warning, if I see one more of your viruses designed to look like dancing Chocobos in the system I will castrate you.

Extremely wanting to escape


	8. Letter 8

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject:

Dear Pantless

The video you sent has been received, by the way if u look in the background to the left... the real left by the way. You may see Elena dancing the hoola, she takes lessons on Tuesday.

I have a few mini cameras and I have a deal, lets tape her next lesson (since as you see in the video she has no sense... well of anything) and put in on Youtube.

By the way, if you can prove the rumermil of Rude having a tattoo on his butt that says 'I love donuts' Reeve promises to pay you quite well. Even more for a picture.

By the way, a little tip... If you ever dye my hair neon green again I'm having reno-kabob for supper. And feed mother your blood.

Mwaaaaa ha h ah ha

The slightly insane neon haired one


	9. Letter 9

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: Highly Disturbed

Dear Sex God

I have just found out a disturbing fact, something that even Hojo doesn't know. And you know how Hojo is, the only thing he usually doesn't know is who is pranking him. Which we all know is you, well you and no and then Zack...

Zack, who by the way has just joined a circus for charity. Do you want pictures? He'll be dressed as a clown.

Anyway back to the true disturbing subject.

Elena is a guy! His name is Bob and uses stuffed bras to look like a guy. I am never bring a message to Bob again, its wrong to walk into the room where 'Bob' is playing with his/her lover.

Shudder

I leave you this information and will pay you as huge sum of gold to get rid of him.

That, or give Bob surgery to become an actual girl.

Yours Truely

The one who hopes this nightmare will end

PS

Reeve has put the money from the tattoo thing into your secret account, which really isn't that secret.


	10. Chapter 10

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: What the heck

Dear Perverted Red headed Terror

Chocobo Nation? That's a graphic novel moron that I wrote under another name moron, please don't use that joke again. Also, Cloud uses gel in his, what type I don't know... he keeps hiding the container before I could check. So I don't know why, but he must be a Chocobo lover to do it that style.

50 gold to whoever finds out the actual brand, and I need proof, not just a joke brand Reno so don't even try.

By the way, thank goodness, I hear Bob will soon be Elena truthfully soon, now if only she woudl stop her stalking of Tsenge, she keeps breaking into meetings.

Is it just me or is she getting more stupid and clutzy as Bob becomes more Elena?

Yet now it seems I will be going on yet anther mission of killing stupid people, well its that or face the ever creepy Bob/Elena who now has the female sixth sense of people talking trash about her.

From

The #1 author of Chocobo Nation or just freaked about Elena/Bob


	11. Chapter 11

To: FlameTurk at Shinra .org

From: Psychopath at Shinra . org

Subject: Ignoring the world

Dear Red headed demon child

Due to a scary moment where 'Elena' somehow stumbled into my apartment while I was in the shower.

I have decided to ignore the world after compiling this list, well ignore it till I finish completing the list.

1. Elena must die, I will pay the headhunters

2. The next time Hojo comes over I'm shaving him bald, he mentioned zack and breeding in the same sentence

3. Go back and time and kill my mother, I just found out that my middle name is literally the letter A.

4. Track down my fanclub and gut them

5. Find out why I'm not getting paid overtime?

6. Drag Cloud into the closet everyone says doesn't exist on the top floor, I love that rumour

7. Remember to kill Elena.

From Ignoring the world Middle A.


End file.
